How to disturb a mind at peace? Ever heard about something like this? Well, if you haven't then your at the right place. That's because, I think no one specializes in this art, better than I do.
I'm updating my blog after so long and it pains me to start with something which has been disturbing me for so long so I thought venting it out over here would help.
My attempts to reconcile with myself have proved to be futile and this post is just going to be a spontaneous flow of emotions. You might just happen to find your computer screen wet!
The past few weeks have been distressful with a lot of things happening and people starting to find my normal behavior hostile. The ones who know how I am have been getting offended by my jokes. I have been at fault at times but sometimes I myself am unable to rectify what error have I made.
Most of the times I say things which I don't mean in a fit of rage or in a comical mood. I never mean any of that. Bear with me but its a habit that I'm trying to change.
My sorry's have almost become ubiquitous but those mere words do not let me get over my guilt. I may not be at fault, but the very fact that I had a misunderstanding with some is enough to start the cycle of self blaming and remorse in my mind.
I may look like a beast but I am still a human. I can at times err. Its a request to all the people to please not keep anything against me. In case they've been hurt or they wish to convey something, please come up to me. I love criticism. Don't let any of my acts change the way you think about me. That's my greatest fear.
And the recipe to disturb a tranquil mind is to make or not a mistake, have a small fight and then keep thinking about that until your drained of all your energy and fears like an end to the friendship start hogging your mind, body and soul.
I have a deep feeling of possessiveness who are close to my heart and I become very sensitive.
By the end of my transformation process, I think I'll become someone sans humor, sans soul, sans mind and only my brain to calculate my next step. That's something I would hate to become but I think, that is what the other social animals want me to be.
This post is no farce and all this actually puts me under a lot of stress. I have actually started wonder how will I ever be able to co-exist with my life partner.
I once again apologize to anyone and everyone who've been hurt by me.
I'm updating my blog after so long and it pains me to start with something which has been disturbing me for so long so I thought venting it out over here would help.
My attempts to reconcile with myself have proved to be futile and this post is just going to be a spontaneous flow of emotions. You might just happen to find your computer screen wet!
The past few weeks have been distressful with a lot of things happening and people starting to find my normal behavior hostile. The ones who know how I am have been getting offended by my jokes. I have been at fault at times but sometimes I myself am unable to rectify what error have I made.
Most of the times I say things which I don't mean in a fit of rage or in a comical mood. I never mean any of that. Bear with me but its a habit that I'm trying to change.
My sorry's have almost become ubiquitous but those mere words do not let me get over my guilt. I may not be at fault, but the very fact that I had a misunderstanding with some is enough to start the cycle of self blaming and remorse in my mind.
I may look like a beast but I am still a human. I can at times err. Its a request to all the people to please not keep anything against me. In case they've been hurt or they wish to convey something, please come up to me. I love criticism. Don't let any of my acts change the way you think about me. That's my greatest fear.
And the recipe to disturb a tranquil mind is to make or not a mistake, have a small fight and then keep thinking about that until your drained of all your energy and fears like an end to the friendship start hogging your mind, body and soul.
I have a deep feeling of possessiveness who are close to my heart and I become very sensitive.
By the end of my transformation process, I think I'll become someone sans humor, sans soul, sans mind and only my brain to calculate my next step. That's something I would hate to become but I think, that is what the other social animals want me to be.
This post is no farce and all this actually puts me under a lot of stress. I have actually started wonder how will I ever be able to co-exist with my life partner.
I once again apologize to anyone and everyone who've been hurt by me.
Dude! Whats wrong?! :O
ReplyDeleteI doubt you'll EVER be sans humour, sans soul and sans mind. Any one who knows you even a litte could ever imagine you like that!
And we all have traits we arent proud of. The only difference is that some ignore it or are simply oblivious to it and some actually acknowledge it.
If you think you have a problem, work at it! I hope you feel better soon :) :*
Vats how can you be worrying about your life partner,and if you think you need to change then that's already a big step. You're open to positive criticism, not many people even acknowledge they have flaws. Nobody is perfect, and during the teenage years, everyone is always a little more self conscious, insecure about fitting in, that's why is high school years being cool is so important. With time it will get better. And if you're open to people's view about yourself I only one thing to say: you're too harsh on people and above all you're way too harsh on yourself, learn to take it easy, forgive people and forgive yourself.
ReplyDeleteI hope I don't sound too big sisterish
You write very well vatsu, hope to read daily from you, this rambling and burst of emotions is better than serious topics (although they are also very interesting) because I feel I can relate too, it's more touching, I feel I can respond.
And you don't look like a beast, how can you even write that, you look pimply and sometimes hairy, a normal teenage boy. Bevakoof
Love you sweetie pie
Shubhra didi